Roxas' Diary
by Keytobelief
Summary: What if during KH 358/2 Days Axel began to wonder and get suspicious of Roxas having his own diary. He then comes out with yet the smartest and stupidest plans yet to kidnap the diary and see what Roxas writes in it. Get ready for some randomness and humor! I DO NOT OWN KINGDOM HEARTS OR ITS OWNERS!
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

Roxas was sitting on his bed minding his own buisness, and writing in his diary. He actually called it a "journal" because the word diary sounds too girly. He was talking about that day's mission in Beast's Castle. He was about to finish when he felt someone creep up behind him.  
"What are you doing?" Axel asked as he walked into their bedroom.  
"Err..." Roxas began. "Writing in my dia- I mean journal."  
"Oh," Axel replied. "Where did you get that from?"  
"Um, Saix gave it to me on my first day in the Orginazation. He said just write what you want to, I guess." Roxas explained.  
"They didn't give me one," Axel complained, and came up with his own corny plan. Once Roxas was done writing he was about to put it back when Axel snatched it.  
"Oh let's see who Roxas likes!" Axel teased. "Xion and Roxas sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"  
"Knock it off Axel I told you I don't like her! She's only my friend!" Roxas growled at his best friend, trying to reach the journal.  
"Aww, what a cute diary!" Axel snorted, acting like he was reading through it.  
"Journal!" Roxas snapped, and unleashed his keyblade. He jabbed the butt of the blade in Axel ribs, probably breaking one or two.  
"Ouch!" Axel yelled, and dropped the journal.  
"Aha!" Roxas exclaimed in victory. "You're mine now!"  
"No it isn't!" Axel pointed out. "I'll be back for more."

At that moment Demyx passed by when he heard those last three sentences.  
"What the crap are they doing in there!?" Demyx asked himself, horrified. He was about to throw up when someone slammed the door on his face.  
"Ow," He cried, and looked at his sitar which broke a string. He looked over the door to see who slammed it. Axel, of course. He was notorious of slamming doors in the castle.  
"What did you hear, Demyx?" Axel demmmanded, holding a chakram underneath his throat.  
"Nothing..." Demyx lied, waving a white flag that he always kept in his pocket.  
"You better not've," Axel snorted. "If I were you, I wouldn't say anything about this. If not, a special instrument of your's might go MIA forever." Demyx's eyes were bewildered at the moment, and he looked down at his sitar. Once he realized what was going on he ran down the hallway crying and screaming at the same time.  
"Good, I'm glad you understand," Axel mummbled to himself.

AN: Had a lot of fun writing this chapter! I can't wait to write more, but it may take a while to finish due to RadicalForbbidenPizzaRoll's 30 chapter contest! Maybe check it out! Also be sure to read my other stories in progress, The Other Side and Web of Lies and Happiness. Remember I don't own Kingdom Hearts! The next chapter of this story is going to be a lot funnier, and poor Demyx! :D


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

The next day Axel was ready to find this book, journal, or whatever Roxas called it. He thought about how normal people put their diaries inside their bed mattress or pillow. Axel then eyed Roxas' bed, it was empty. He figured Roxas went on a mission early or something, so he decided this was the best time to search.  
He first took the pillow off Roxas' bed, but there was no sign of the diary. Axel was a little surprised by this, but still kept going. He then took the pillow case off and searched in there, nothing.  
Axel decided to take a look underneath the bed sheets, nothing there. He then flipped off the bed hoping it would be in the frame. No.  
Axel then threw a temper tantrum, he couldn't figure out where the crap could you even hide a diary!? He then threw the mattress out the window, and heard a cry of pain from outside. Hmm, sounded a lot like Demyx.  
His temper tantrum expanded as he started chucking his chakrams at the wall and eating the feathers out of Roxas' pillow.  
"Uh, Axel what are you doing?" Roxas asked, and Axel turned around to see him in the doorway. Roxas had a popsicle stick in his mouth and in his hand sea-salt icecream.  
The first thing Roxas saw was his window broken, his mattress missing, chakrams in the wall, and Axel choking on a feather. Boy was Axel busy...  
"I felt bad about yesterday and decided to get you sea-salt icecream," Roxas explained. "But, I'm just gonna leave now."  
Axel tried to clean up the mess he made, and made it look similar to before as in cracks in the wall and a super glued window. He even walked down the Castle and back to get Roxas' mattress.  
Once Axel was done rearranging dirt he felt it was a good idea to go on a mission.

Axel's mission today was interesting. He and Roxas went to Agrabah and met this fat cat thing named Pete. They didn't really follow their mission at all, but heck with that. Once they were done with the mission they went to the Twilight Town clocktower as always. Xion was the last to show up though, and she got ice cream all over her cloak.  
"Great... I wonder if the castle has personal dry cleaning," Xion joked, and started waving her hands to get the ice cream off. The ice cream flung off her fingers and splattered all over Roxas' face.  
"Hey!" Roxas laughed, and their ice cream war began.

Later Roxas was sitting on his bed and writing in his journal. He wrote about Pete, the Heartless he fought, and the ice cream war. Once he was done writing he let out a brief sigh, and put his journal in on of his zipper pockets.  
Axel was sitting on his bed acting like he was playing with his popsicle stick, but he really wasn't. He was really paying attention to where Roxas kept his diary. He sorta freaked out when Roxas put it in his pocket.  
Great! What am I suppossed to do now? The only way to get it would be sneak it from him at night!  
Once it was night and most of the Orginazation was asleep, Axel carried out his devious plan.  
"This would be so much easier if some Nobodies wore pajamas!" Axel complained to himself. Then he began.  
He snuck over to Roxas' bed and started to reach for the side pocket.  
"Spider..." Roxas moaned in his sleep. "Spider, spider, spider, SPIDER!" Roxas then unleashed and Keyblade and started wapping Axel with.  
"Hey that hurts!" Axel cried trying to block his attacks. Soon enough Roxas stopped, and Axel need a breather break.  
"Gosh, I never knew he sleeps attack!" Axel said, and held where his heart should've been. He tried to get it out of his mind and lay down.  
Meanwhile...  
"Yo, I'll tell you what I want what I really really want," Xion sang.  
"So tell me what you want what you really really want." Larxene sang back.  
"I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really,"  
"Really really wanna a zigazig ha,"  
"If you wannna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,"  
"Make it last forever, friendship never ends!"  
"If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,"  
"Taking it too easy, that's the way it is!" They sang together.  
Then they heard a knock on the door, and Xion opened it.  
"Hello?" Xion asked, and she opened the door. Then she saw the rest of the rest of the Orginazation (except Axel and Roxas) pounding their weapons in their hands.  
"Uhh..." Xion said. "Karaoke?" The other ten members then sheathed their weapons, and piled in looking for more microphones.

"Man what is all that noise down there!?" Axel groaned and threw what was left of his pillow at the wall.  
"Nngh," Roxas whined in his sleep. Axel then decided to take a second chance at this. He was starting to approach Roxas when something fell out of the blonde's pocket.  
"Huh?" Axel picked up the object to see it was Roxas' diary.  
"Wow," Axel growled lowly. "This was easier than I thought it would be." Axel then inspected the journal, and then figured out that it had a lock, but no key. He began to start a frantic search for the key, but after he spent five minutes of inspecting but yet no key. He stopped when he heard a clicking noise coming from Roxas' bed.  
Axel turned around to see that Roxas unleashed his keyblade in his sleep, and began to hug it.  
"Great," Axel complained. "He must've lost the key, so he uses his keyblade instead!" He then started to stomp on the ground and kicked the wall.  
"Fire..." Roxas mummbled in his sleep and a ball of fire came out of is keyblade.  
"Wait, what!?" Axel screamed when he realized what his friend said.  
His eyes widened to the size of bowling balls and he started yelling like a mad man.  
"FIRE! FIRE! MY BEUATIFUL HAIR IS ON FIRE!" Axel screamed at the top of his lungs. He started to freak out until the fire went out. He started to breath harshly until he heard a knock on the door.  
"Hello?" Axel asked, and opened the door. In the hallway stood the other twelve orginazation members (including Xion in Larxene) holding microphones and slapping them in their hands. They looked like they wanted to get some butt whooping.  
"Oh great!" Axel groaned as they charged at him.

The next morning Roxas woke up and let out a yawn. He looked over at Axel's bed and saw a body wrapped in medical tape.  
"Holy crap!" Roxas yelled and fell off the bed. He got up and approached the bandaged figure.  
"G'morning Axel!" Roxas said cheerfully. "What happened to you?"  
"MM-NN-NG," Axel tried saying.  
"Wait, what?" Roxas asked and pulled down the bandage covering Axel's mouth.  
"I want a new roomate." Axel pointed out.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Once Axel recovered from his butt whooping he came up with yet another plan...  
"So if I learn to summon a keyblade then I can unlock any lock, right?" Axel asked a man with uneven long hair.  
"Essentialy, yes," The man spoke with a voice that sounded tinged with ice.  
"Thanks Vexen, you're the best!" Axel thanked, and Vexen handed him the book he wanted. The front of the book was smudged with the words How to Summon a Keyblade by Vexen. However, Axel didn't know what Vexen had in store for him.  
"The keyblade is a mysterious weapon that is only to be wielded by the darkest of darkness and the lightest of light. Yadah yada yadah." Axel read to himself and skipped to step one.  
"Steal an eyepatch from someone..." Axel murmured, and left the room immediately.

Xigbar walked into the Grey Area and sat down on the couch, starting to drink his morning coffee. Everyone in the room then stared at him, and their mouths were lowered to the floor.  
"What?" Xigbar demanded. "Did I forget to put extra sugar in my coffee again?" He then looked in his coffee mug to see if he made that mistake.  
"By God!" Luxord stated. "Who called Harvey Dent in here!?" Then Demyx rolled on the floor and began throwing up.  
"What do you mean?" Xigbar asked with a snarl on his face. Luxord covered his eyes and brought a mirror card over to Xigbar. He snatched the card away and Luxord ran off yelping for help. He looked into the mirror and saw himself.  
"What the *censored*!" Xigbar exclaimed, and ripped the card in half. "Someone stole my mask and eye patch!"

"Phew!" Axel sighed, slapping his hands together. "I'm so glad that was over with..." He slumped onto his bed and looked at step two.  
"Make pizza for Vexen, wait what?" Axel said, disbelieving it. "Well if I want to summon a keyblade I guess..."  
Axel then went to the Grey Area and found the local Moogle.  
"Do you have a pizza recipe that I could use?" Axel asked politely.  
"Uh, we don't have pizza recipes here, kupo," The Moogle stated floating in air.  
"Why not?" Axel questioned, grinding his teeth.  
"Because, I don't like pizza, kupo," The Moogle explained and backed away.  
Axel felt a vein snap in his forehead; "WHO THE *insert a random cuss word here* DOESN'T LIKE PIZZA!?"  
Axel then took his chakrams and pinned the Moogle against the wall, and slapped the Moogle in the face at least fifty times.  
Axel took his chakrams out of the wall, and the Moogle dropped to the floor.  
"Would you like your recipt sir?" The Moogle asked in distress.  
Axel wanted to go into bezerk mode (like Saix) and throw the puffball out the window, but stopped himself.  
"No, thank you," Axel managed to choke out, and began walking towards the kitchen.  
"How in the world did that guy even get hired?" He asked himself, and started to search for a cook book. After looking for what seemed forever he found a book with a flannel cover. Axel began flipping through the book, and found an assortment of pizzas.  
"Hmm, Supreme Pizza looks good!" Axel decided, licking his chaps. He managed to find all the ingredients necessary: pizza crust, pizza sauce, cheese, pepperoni, sausage, bell peppers, olives, mushrooms, and onions. Axel thanked God that there was pre-made pizza crust, or he would've practically blew up trying to make it from scratch.  
"Good, now we're all here," Axel announced and started to create his master piece.  
1 hour Later  
Axel heard the oven's timer go off, so he opened the oven and retrieved the pizza. He took a whiff of the wonderful disc shaped food, and complimented himself.  
"Man, am I a good cook or what?" He chuckled. The last thing he needed to do before putting it in a box and dropping it off to Vexen was to cut it. However, all the knives were missing for some reason. He was just about to put it in a box unsliced when he saw two yellow and blue knives lying on the kitchen table.  
"Hmm," Axel considered, and took the knives. He knew what the stakes were, but he'd die taking a risk. He took the knives and began cutting the pizza into eight even slices. He found a box that was a right size for it, and put it in. Axel also took a sharpie, and started to draw Godzilla eating Zexion on the front. Then out of nowhere he felt something whiz right past his face. Axel didn't want to turn around, but forced himself to.  
Standing five feet away was Larxene, who had a few knives withdrawn.  
"Err, hi!" Axel said giving her a small wave, and was very nervous for two reasons. One, he was scared to death of her ever since she beat him up with a microphone. Two, he had a huge crush on her, but thought he didn't have much of a chance due to the way she beat the crap out of him.  
"Yeah, hi." Larxene snarled, eyes narrowed.  
"So, I kinda borrowed some of your knives to cut this pizza, and I'm really sorry." Axel tried to explained.  
Larxene's eyes some what softened and said, "Fine, you're off the hook."  
Axel let out a mental breath of air, and made his way out of the kitchen with the pizza box. Right before he opened the door, knives surrounded the outline of his body. He immediately froze, and looked back.  
"Don't think you got off easy!" Larxene scowled, "If I see you take my knives again, you will be in a coffin with one in your throat!"  
Axel nodded to make it clear that he knew she was boss, and left the room. He walked down a few corridors and found Vexen's room, and knocked.  
The door creaked opened to reveal an emerald green eye, and the person said, "Yes?"  
"Hey Vexen, your book said to bring a pizza to you so I did," Axel explained, and handed him the pizza.  
"Oh, thank you. I like the cover, very uh… extraordinary," Vexen complimented, and opened the box. After studying it for a few seconds, his eye brows narrowed.  
"I can't eat this," Vexen pointed out.  
"Wait, I don't think I could hear you clearly, what?"  
"I can't eat this pizza,"  
"Why not?"  
"I'm vegetarian," Vexen pointed out, and something in Axel's brain snapped. Everything went quiet for a few seconds, and Axel started to slowly walk downstairs.  
Axel kept walking till he reached the Castle's phone booth. He took the phone off the dialer and punched in a number he memorized.  
A voice started to buzz on speaker, "Tony's Pizzeria, how may I help you?"  
"Tony, I need a vegetarian pizza pronto," Axel demanded.  
"Will do," Tony replied.  
"Hang on, actually make that two please,"  
"Okay then," Tony said, and Axel hung up. He headed to the bottom of the castle and waited for the pizza to arrive. Around ten minutes later Tony was there with the pizza and Axel paid his share of 20 munny. He then went back to Vexen's room and knocked again.  
"Okay Axel do you have my vegetarian pizza ready?" Vexen questioned.  
"Yep," Axel quickly replied and smacked a piece of veggi pizza into the scientist's face.  
Vexen let out a sigh, "Not quite what I expected, but okay,"  
Once Vexen was back in his room Axel let out a deep breath of air.  
"Wow, today has been pretty stressful," Axel reminded himself and looked at a clock. "Welp, I better get to the tower or Roxas will be ticked."

AN: Wow, it sure has been a LONG time. Sorry that it was this way, ever since Summer ended I never had time for this stuff. I think I wrote the story like two days before school started, so… I will try to update around every Saturday. If I forget you can PM me so I know. By the way I really love Supreme Pizza so I wanted to write about my true love for once . I don't own Kingdom Hearts or its owners. Remember to R&R. By the way I got a PS3 for Christmas, and I got obsessed with the Playstation Exclusive, Uncharted. If you have a PS3 I highly recommend that you go out and buy it. :)


End file.
